Identity in Christ

I am not perfect.  I never have been, nor will I ever be perfect.  I have made mistakes--many of them.  And I have sinned greatly.  The sad thing is, I have spent the last two years of my life trying to atone for these sins by trying to prove to people I am changed.  But the thing is, the only person I should have been striving to "get right with" is God.  He is the forgiver of my sins.  He is the one who I should be trying to please…not people.  He knows my heart and who I am.  He knows the person I am inside.

It wasn't until these last few months that I truly realized that I know who I am, Whose I am, and the kind of person I am.  No one can take that away from me.  Yes, I have sins and things that I have done that have caused so much pain to so many people.  But, I no longer live my life praying no one finds these things out, hiding these things.  If people know who I was and the things I have done, then that is ok.  I now see it as a chance to show them how God has redeemed me over these last two years.

People do hurtful things when they are hurt.  And unfortunately, some recent happy events in my life, as well as some decisions a friend of mine has made with regards to social media (but, I don't control my friends--do I?)  have caused someone else pain.  And what do we do when we are hurt?  We lash out.  Misery loves company, right?  I have been there.  I have been that person in the past.  The thing is, this person somehow knows all about some deep, dark skeletons in my closet…and they have chosen to also fabricate things about me.  And they have chosen to share these things with people--especially with those closest to someone who is now a huge part of my life--in hopes that it discredits me and him.  In the past, I would have done everything I could to explain away what happened, or even deny it or try to cover it up.

But you know what?  Now, I fully acknowledge that some of what is being said is truth.  I have sinned. I have made mistakes.  I have done horrible things.  But…the beautiful thing is, I am redeemed in Christ.  I have begged God for forgiveness, I have made intentional efforts to change myself and to learn from my mistakes.  And I have.  If you ask those closest to me, they will agree that I am not who I once was.  I have changed and turned my life around (as cliche as it sounds).  I am secure in who I am as a person now.  I know I am a good person, who sometimes will make mistakes.  People can say whatever they want, believe whatever they want.  The only thing that matters to me is that 1)  I am God's and I am in right relationship with him; 2) My friends and family know me and know who I am and the person I am deep down inside; and 3) I am proud of who I am now and how far I have come since 2013.

People are not always going to like me, agree with my choices, or want to be my friend and get to know who I am.  And that is ok.  I am truly happy with my life, the people in it, and the person I am.  I have worked so hard to grow as a child of God and to put him at the center of who I am as a person and the choices I have made.  So, if you don't agree with me, or want to talk about who I was two and a half years ago, that is ok.  You do what you need to do to cope.  But, just know, it does not change my happiness, or my security.  I am God's, I find my identity in Him, and I know Whose I am.