SO I know usually I post thoughts and thing, but I had to share this recipe.  Lately I have been sticking to easy meals, but today I decided to actually cook!  So, if you like healthy and very very tasty, have at it.

Black Bean and Spinach Enchiladas

Ingredients 1 (15 ounce) can black beans, drained and rinsed 4 ounces cream cheese 3/4 cup cheddar cheese, shredded 10 ounces frozen chopped spinach cayenne pepper, garlic powder, paprika to taste 6 tortillas 


Directions 1. Preheat your oven to 375.

2. In a large pan or skillet, thaw the frozen spinach over medium high heat.

3. When completely thawed, add black beans and pepper.

4. Add cream cheese to the skillet and work with it to combine the ingredients.

5. Add cheddar, stirring to help it melt and combine. Remove from heat.

6. Divide the mixture into the center of the six tortillas, folding both ends over and rolling to the center.

7. Arrange the enchiladas in the pan, top with more shredded cheddar to garnish.

8. Bake approximately 15-20 minutes, until cheddar garnish is browned slightly.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Change is a natural part of life.  It’s expected.  You can’t stop it.  You can’t fight it.  It happens.  You can hate it all you want.  You can wish things would stay the same but, in the end, it doesn’t do any good.  Your body WILL change.  Your responsibilities will increase.  That spouse of yours will change.  People will grow old.  Friends drift apart.  Your career won’t always be a dream.  But, the great part about change is, we learn to adapt.

If we choose to embrace change, or at least tentatively accept it, we can adjust.  We learn that we can’t eat a whole pizza and order of Cinnasticks from Dominos twice a week and NOT gain weight (trust me, I have tried recently).  You can’t skip the gym for a few weeks and expect those muscles to stay put.  You grow up, and guess what, you have bills to pay and deadlines to meet.  If you don’t pay up or meet the deadlines…well, it will be a rude awakening for you, buddy.  People change.  It won’t always be negative change, but your once fun-loving, stay out all night spouse will eventually want to binge watch The Walking dead in sweat pants.  Your parents will start to get gray and wrinkled (it’s terrifying).  Your best friend forever and ever (BFFAE as we called it back in the day) will get married and involved in her new married friends group.  That dream teaching job you have will sometimes make you want to jump out of your classroom window and run down the street screaming (this was last Monday for me).

So, I learned to order my Dominos cheat meal once a month (or every other week if work is especially stressful).  I set reminders in my phone so I ensure I pay my bills on time.  I make tons of to-do lists for work so I always meet my deadlines.  I accept that people in my life will change and I celebrate the good changes and learn to accept the ones that are difficult.  I choose to be fully present with my family and make every moment count…and yes, I put my cell phone away to do this.  I make intentional efforts to keep up with those friends who have drifted.  And, I keep a running list of all the good I see and experience in my job.  One girl turning her life around is worth more than even when ten girls won’t let me teach them.

Ask anyone in my family, and they will tell you that I used to hate change.  It was the end of the world, in younger-Camille’s opinion.  I never wanted to leave Memphis.  I planned to go to college in Memphis, work in Memphis, and marry a man who wanted to live in Memphis for the rest of his life.  I never changed my haircut.  I always wore the same colors (usually gray or black).  If plans were made, they better stay the same or else I will melt down.  That was me.  And I never wanted to change that version of me, either.  But life happened.

I met a boy who lived in Lakeland, Florida.  Miracle of miracles, he convinced me to move here.  WHAT? We got married.  Stayed married a year and a half, but in the end it didn’t work out (see earlier blog post if you just cant handle your curiosity).  The decision to divorce came in July 2013.  I got fired from the job I had been in since I moved to Florida at the end of July.  And then, the DAY I got fired, I got a call and offer for a job at my current job—Pace Center for Girls.  Let me tell you, you cannot work at and survive in a place like Pace if you don’t embrace change head on.

I learned quickly to go with the flow.  Don’t expect your lesson plans to always go as planned.  Be prepared for unexpected lock downs and assemblies.  Testing will take up all of your time.  You will leave work exhausted.  And I mean exhausted.  My first year here, I remember driving to the lake I run around and falling asleep in my parked car…for an hour.  I never ran that day.  But I changed.  I adapted to my surroundings.  And I learned that change is good.  It is how we grow and become better people.

I used to be very black and white.  If you were not siding with me or making the decision I would make, then you were in the wrong.  But now, after falling so many times and wandering away from God and His will time and time again, I see that there are gray areas.  What is right for some may not be right for all.  And I believe that God would agree with me.  There are big things I think are wrong no matter what, but for the most part, there are a TON of gray areas.  I made some very, very poor decisions a couple of years ago and, rather than forgiving and loving me, seeking to get to the root of it and to show grace, I was shunned, judged, called names, and treated like a pariah.  I lost most all of my friends here.  As a result, sometimes I am hesitant to go to church.  I go, but I also prefer sometimes to have church on my own or online.  But, I started over.  I chose who I wanted to be.  I let people see the real me and they loved me in spite of who I was and the decisions I made.

I also learned the importance of standing up for yourself.  If you continually bend over backwards for others and put everyone else before yourself, you will be miserable.  In work, I have had to learn to say no.  I have had to learn to stand up for myself when I know I am being treated unfairly or when I know what I am fighting for is right.  In relationships, I have learned to end things the moment I know there is no future.  It is better to end it sooner than later, because it becomes harder for you and more hurtful to them.  With family, I have learned that it is ok to have disagreements and to tell them when they are being dumb-heads.  In the end, it is all done in love (I would hope) and family always forgives.  And I have learned to be ok being alone.  I love having time alone.  I like being able to be free to do what I want and go wherever I want.  I have learned the importance of living my life now and of being independent.  I am the only person I will always have to be around and put up with.  So, shouldn’t I make myself into someone I love and respect?  Change is good, y’all.  Embrace it.

31 Day Blog Challenge

I had no clue about this 31 day writing challenge until I happened to see one of my friends mentioning it on her Facebook.  Normally, I start these sort of things (blogs) with great intentions of writing every day, or at least every other day.  But, life gets in the way (or should I say binge-watching TV shows), and I forget.  But, the idea of a challenge, of focusing on one singular topic for thirty-one days, somehow sounded more do-able.  So, I am going to try.   The beauty of this thing is you get to write about one singular thing for the entire time.

At first, I couldn’t think of a single thing I could write THAT MUCH about, but then it hit me.  Two things take up 90% of my thoughts and time:  teaching and gym time.  So, combining the two, I am going to write about the strength it takes to be a teacher—physically, mentally, and emotionally.  It won’t all be serious and focused.  I definitely will share some of my funnier teaching moments and stories as they occur.  But, I think that teaching is one of the most unique professions out there, and it is the one I am most passionate about, even when I hate it.

My school is definitely a unique one.  Rather than having 160 students, I have 45 at the most.  Instead of class sizes of 20 to 25, the maximum is 14.  Instead of dealing with boy and girl relationship drama, I have only girls for students.  And, the kicker, it is a Department of Juvenile Justice school.  What this means is, the girls are at my school for specific reasons.  The “risk factors” are:  emotional trauma, behavioral issues, truancy problems, expulsion from school, etc.  Also, the majority of our girls are one or more grade levels behind.  So, it is quite an undertaking to work there.  I tell everyone, you cannot work there and truly love it unless you have been called to work at such a place. 

So, I feel that sharing my time there, the girls’ stories, and the lessons I learn as I continue down this career path…that will make an excellent blog that I can maintain for thirty-one days.  So, feel free to ask questions, share your thoughts, OR even get information to volunteer with us or help out!

Fork in the Road

Following God is not an easy thing to do.  It requires sacrifice, discomfort, and even pain.  Sometimes the path He calls us down seems so crazy, so radical, that most would call us insane for even considering taking that way.  But, then again, He promises us in His word that his way is not going to be easy.  It will be difficult.  It will sometimes even cause us to be persecuted.  But the beautiful thing is, He will always equip us to handle whatever may come.

The last several months, I have been feeling a real pull, a calling, to move back to Memphis.  My marriage failed, but I stayed because I wanted to prove to myself and others that I could stand on my own two feet.  I also had started working at PACE, and was loving it.  I did not feel ready to move back and I felt I could have my own life here.  And I did.  I settled in, got adjusted to the job, excelled in my work and my masters degree, and I even started seeing someone.  I thought my life was where it needed to be.

But, eventually God calls us to come out from the world and be separate.  We need to return to Him and to who we are in Him…not in our own definitions and limitations.  He calls us to be like Him and to be sold out for Him.  It is not enough to just go to church occasionally, pray when there is need, and to be a "good" person.  We are to be sold out for Him and for His purpose for our lives.  He is the one who made us, created us exactly as we are with all of our strengths and even weaknesses.  Don't we owe it to Him to devote ourselves to Him when we are His to begin with?

But He gives us free will.  We can choose to live for Him, or we can chose to live for ourselves or for the world.  Lately, I have been living for myself and for the world.  I have been selfish and blind.  I traded in time spent with God for time sleeping in, watching TV, or just sitting around doing nothing.  I traded in a Bible for trashy magazines and books that aren't edifying.  I have been planning my life based on my wants for my future instead of based on what God may have for me instead.

And now I see how badly I want what God has for me.  I had the honor of watching my sister get married a few weeks ago and I do not lie when I tell you that it was the most beautiful wedding I have ever attended.  My sister and her now-husband are so sold out for God individually, and to see them come together as a couple and then again as husband and wife, living together built around their faith in Him…words cannot even describe the beauty of it.  The spur each other on, sharpen each other for God.  Their entire wedding was centered around this, and on their excitement to live as a married couple ready to fulfill the purposes God has for them together to impact those around them.  The wedding was not all about them but rather about what God has planned and what He will use them for in that plan.

Witnessing this just solidified in my mind that I need to come out and be separate.  I need to start living my life for God NOW and I need to go wherever He calls.  No matter the cost.  No matter the discomfort.  No matter the pain.  And, oh is there pain.  Lately, I feel God pulling me to Memphis.  I need a fresh start.  I need to heal from my divorce still.  I need to rediscover myself as a person, but also as a child of God.  I did not allow myself time to do this after C and I split.  And it is catching up to me.  Not only that, but I also originally had a heart for Memphis and for impacting the educational system there.  Can I do that from Florida?  No, not really.

And now I find myself at a fork in the road.  A job offer on the table, two interviews done and awaiting an answer.  The time frame?  I will possibly move to Memphis in the next few days, the next week, or maybe even the next two weeks.  Quit my job.  Pack up my belongings.  Leave behind my dog and the guy I have been seeing.  Leave behind my friends.  Leave behind the coworkers/work family I love so much.  So little time left.  And I am absolutely terrified.  I ask myself if I am pushing my plans to make them become God's.  Does he really want me to go so quickly?  Am I meant to find myself in Him here in Florida?  Or do I really need to go to Memphis?

A friend recently told me:  "I find that the times we hurt the most show where our faith lies.  It can be in the comfort of a guy, popularity, athletics, friends, etc. to ease out emotional pain.  Or we can turn to God through the pain and say 'yeah this is gonna hurt and suck a lot but I know what you are planning out is what is best for me…Every change has anxiousness and fear of the unknown, but that is what draws us closer.'"

So now, I have to make my decision.  I have to solve this "fork in the road" situation. I know God will redeem me no matter what choice I make.  I know that He will use whatever happens.  But, I want most of all to be in His will and honoring Him in my choices.  So, I covet your prayers, friends.  Be praying for clarity and for me to make the decision that most honors Him.

Forgiveness

Life has a way of kicking us in the pants sometimes.  Sometimes, we see it coming...and sometimes, we don't.  We could just be going about our lives and then BAM! we find ourselves lying on our backs, stunned, wondering how in the world we found ourselves in this place.  We never set out to hurt ourselves or to hurt others.   At least, I hope no one does.  I think, in the Christian life, Satan has a way of slipping into our lives and weaving himself and his lies into the fabric of truth we hold onto.  He takes the truth and distorts it.  He is so sly, so manipulative, so evil, that we rarely see him coming.  We get so intertwined in his lies that we often don't realize the mess we are in until we are neck-deep, struggling against his tentacles.

And you know what institution Satan seems to LOVE attacking lately?  Marriage.  He will do any and everything he can to destroy marriages.  He seems to relish in it.  Revel in it.  Delight in it.  And it's sick.  He has destroyed the marriages of friends, of my parents, of other people in my life.  And, he got ahold of mine...  No one goes into marriage expecting to end up divorced after a year or two.  You go into it expecting it to last...to go the distance.  And that is what I did.  I went into my marriage blissfully happy and ready to spend the rest of my life with C.  And it seemed for the longest time that it would end up that way.  But eventually, over time, Satan crept in and did his thing and, after a year and nine months of marriage, we divorced.  It hurts.  It sucks.  It is not at all what I expected or planned...yet, here we are.  But, even so, I know God is faithful.  He can be trusted.  He is good.

Redemption...  Let me tell you, that word sounds so sweet--to both those in need of it and not.  It holds the promise of hope, better days, and restoration of God's working in your life.  God can redeem and restore any and all situation, any and every person, any and every place.  God's power to redeem has no limitations.  And I know he will redeem me, redeem C, and redeem our futures apart from one another. God has a plan.  God knows what lies ahead for both of us and I am trusting Him in that.  He has forgiven me and He can redeem me, redeem my life, my past, and my future...and I am thanking Him for that every day.

Waffles. Two Ways!

So it has been a while since I have posted a food recipe.  And you know how I love my food.  Mmm Mmmm Good.

Waffles.  Superior to pancakes?  Yes.  In every day.  They have perfect, tiny little pockets just WAITING for melted butter and sweet, sticky syrup to be poured in.  They are cute in appearance (come on, admit it).  They taste phenomenal no matter what kind they are (buttermilk, chocolate chip, cinnamon, banana, chocolate, etc).  They are everything you could want and more...

Except when you eat Paleo.  Like me.  Curses.  I have something called Diverticular disease.  Essentially (and skip ahead if you don't like medical stuff), I have pockets in my intestines that like to hold onto seeds and give me infection, fever, and pain.  It is manageable and I can deal with it (especially by avoiding seeded things) but sometimes, I forget.  I ALWAYS seem to forget tomatoes and cucumbers have seeds.  Oops.  Well, a few months ago, my sugar intake was OUT OF CONTROL.  I was vegetarian but a lazy one so, rather than cooking lots of vegetables, I tended to eat a lot of carbs and sugars.  My body didn't appreciate this and decided it did not want to regulate my blood sugar anymore AND my diverticular flares got worse whenever I had them.  A good friend of mine took my diet and completely changed it--and helped my health--by turning me onto Paleo.  My blood sugar is stable 90% of the time now AND my flares (when they happen) are not as bad.

So, I eat Paleo now.  Which means no bread, beans, grains, etc.  Bye bye waffles, I thought.  But then I found this recipe (and tweaked it).  Paleo Waffles.  Wonderful, fluffy, tasty waffles.  Heaven.

Gluten Free Almond Flour Waffles

1 cup almond meal/flour

1/2 tsp. baking powder

1/2 tsp. cinnamon (plus a sprinkle or two extra)

1/4 tsp. salt

1 dash pumpkin pie spice

2 tbsp. maple syrup

1 tsp. vanilla

3 eggs

Whisk together the dry ingredients. Then add in the wet. Whisk until well combined. Cook in a greased waffle maker.

ENJOY.

And if you want to make it even SWEETER (double meaning intended--haha), make it dessert.

Cook some bacon and soak it in maple syrup or caramel (your choice) for 10 minutes.  Top your warm waffle with 1-2 scoops of vanilla ice cream, the bacon, and some extra syrup or caramel.  Trust me.  It is wonderful.

Redemption

Guys, it has been a crazy last few months.  There have been a lot of changes, a lot of heartache, a lot of God moving.  I hope to someday soon let you in on a lot of it and to show you how faithful God has been in my life.  Let me just say, He TRULY can bring beauty from ashes and redeem even the most hopeless of people and situations.

A month ago, I found myself jobless and on the hunt for a new job.  I loved my old job and knew I was blessed to even have a job, but I knew God had placed a different calling on my life.  I have previous teaching experience from when I lived in Memphis and I knew that was what I wanted to get back to someday.  God just decided that day was sooner than I anticipated or planned for.  The day I became jobless, I got a call FOUR hours later from a school asking me to come and interview.  I was beyond thrilled.  I did not know much about the school, but researched it the moment I got home.

Guys, have you ever prayed for something SO specific that you knew it may be a long time before that prayer was answered?  THIS was my answered prayer.  My senior year in college, God placed the call to teach on my life.  Shortly after, I found out about a program known as Memphis Teacher Residency. This program equips future teachers to teach in urban, high-needs schools in Memphis, Tennessee.  During the program, you work on a Masters degree in Urban Education and co-teach in a school of MTR's choosing.  Because I moved to Florida halfway through the program, I was unable to complete my degree.  However, I still knew my heart was for high-needs, at-risk, urban youth.  While there are certainly students like this in the public school system here in Polk County, Florida, it just didn't "fit" with what I wanted.  I wanted to work with kids who had been told they wouldn't amount to anything, who needed an advocate, and who needed a second chance.

The school at which I interviewed is called PACE Center for Girls.  Straight from the website, here is what PACE is:  "PACE Center for Girls, Inc. is a not-for-profit organization that 501(c) 3 corporation that provides a non-residential delinquency prevention program in locations statewide, targeting the unique needs of females 12 to 17 who are identified as dependent, truant, runaway, delinquent, or in need of academic skills. PACE (Practical Academic Cultural Education) accepts referrals from the juvenile justice system, the Department of Children and Families, school personnel, community services agencies, parents, family members, friends and self-referrals. Its purpose is to intervene and prevent school withdrawal, juvenile delinquency, teen pregnancy, substance abuse and welfare dependency in a safe and nurturing environment."  Answered prayer?  Uh, I think yes!

The interview went VERY well and I was hired on the spot.  Another HUGE blessing.  I was less than 24 hours without a job.  Totally a God thing.  BUT, just because it was a God thing and I was finally going to be doing what I dreamed of, that does not mean it was going to be easy.  These girls come with a whole different set of challenges than I would experience in a regular public school.  These girls could come to PACE with history of abuse (physical or sexual), drug problems, assault records, delinquency, etc.  And most of the time, unless they tell you or their counselor tells you, you won't know.  As teacher, you figure out over time which girls have anger issues, which have problems with adults, and which you will have to fight every step of the way.  NO work day is the same.  Some days the "trouble" student can be an angel, and some days the "angel" student may be the one causing problems in class.  Some days there are no code reds (lock downs resulting from either a student walking out of class, a physical fight, or a major behavior issue usually) and some days there are a LOT.  I have been blessed so far to have had only 2 code reds (both from a girl walking out without asking permission to go get water) out of the many we have had.

Throughout the 21 days I have been working officially at PACE, God has had His hand on me.  The students, normally anti-new teachers and likely to test their teachers to break them, have given me no problems.  They are respectful, they get their work done, and they always greet me with a "hey Ms. Camille!".  I attribute ALL of it to the fantastic training I received at Memphis Teacher Residency.  We learned the importance of developing a relationship of sorts with our students from the get go.  We get to know them and allow them to get to know us in turn.  After all, how can we expect students (especially THESE students) to automatically respect us and listen to us if they don't know us?  I told them at the very beginning, I want to get to know them and let them get to know me.  I will always be real with them and will never lie.  Certainly, some questions I can't answer (and OOOOOH man you should hear the personal questions I get asked), but all other appropriate ones, I will always answer.  I told them I will always respect them and will never talk down to them or act like I am better than them.

Because of the way I handled the first few days (getting to know them, showing them a PowerPoint of all of my friends, family, pets, interests, etc, and playing games with them), I have ZERO issues with students acting out against me or disrespecting me.  One student told me today it is because I am laid back, chill, and am myself with them.  I make them do work, yes, but once the work is done, I give them a few minutes to talk and be themselves.  I have had so many positive experiences and had so many great conversations with my girls already and the fall semester has only been going since the 19th!  I cannot wait to share some of these, give y'all some of the funnier (appropriate) comments I hear, and to tell more of how amazing God is in all of this.  He has a plan for my life and a plan to redeem my life and all the mess that has been going on around me.  My world has fallen to pieces in so many ways but God is building it back up into His plan for my life and He is faithful in redeeming every last bit.

In the meantime, until my next post, pray for my girls.  They need some serious loving.  They are so used to being put down, neglected, etc.  I bought them all FRESH, new notebooks for note taking and when a girl asked me why I used my own money, I told her that the school couldn't get more than we already had but I wanted them to have them anyway.  Her response was "why waste your money on girls like us".  It broke my heart.  They don't see how much potential they have!  They don't see the miracles they are.  They are so strong and so resilient and I KNOW they can succeed.  So, pray for their hearts and for healing, and pray that God uses me and the PACE staff however He wills.