Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Change is a natural part of life.  It’s expected.  You can’t stop it.  You can’t fight it.  It happens.  You can hate it all you want.  You can wish things would stay the same but, in the end, it doesn’t do any good.  Your body WILL change.  Your responsibilities will increase.  That spouse of yours will change.  People will grow old.  Friends drift apart.  Your career won’t always be a dream.  But, the great part about change is, we learn to adapt.

If we choose to embrace change, or at least tentatively accept it, we can adjust.  We learn that we can’t eat a whole pizza and order of Cinnasticks from Dominos twice a week and NOT gain weight (trust me, I have tried recently).  You can’t skip the gym for a few weeks and expect those muscles to stay put.  You grow up, and guess what, you have bills to pay and deadlines to meet.  If you don’t pay up or meet the deadlines…well, it will be a rude awakening for you, buddy.  People change.  It won’t always be negative change, but your once fun-loving, stay out all night spouse will eventually want to binge watch The Walking dead in sweat pants.  Your parents will start to get gray and wrinkled (it’s terrifying).  Your best friend forever and ever (BFFAE as we called it back in the day) will get married and involved in her new married friends group.  That dream teaching job you have will sometimes make you want to jump out of your classroom window and run down the street screaming (this was last Monday for me).

So, I learned to order my Dominos cheat meal once a month (or every other week if work is especially stressful).  I set reminders in my phone so I ensure I pay my bills on time.  I make tons of to-do lists for work so I always meet my deadlines.  I accept that people in my life will change and I celebrate the good changes and learn to accept the ones that are difficult.  I choose to be fully present with my family and make every moment count…and yes, I put my cell phone away to do this.  I make intentional efforts to keep up with those friends who have drifted.  And, I keep a running list of all the good I see and experience in my job.  One girl turning her life around is worth more than even when ten girls won’t let me teach them.

Ask anyone in my family, and they will tell you that I used to hate change.  It was the end of the world, in younger-Camille’s opinion.  I never wanted to leave Memphis.  I planned to go to college in Memphis, work in Memphis, and marry a man who wanted to live in Memphis for the rest of his life.  I never changed my haircut.  I always wore the same colors (usually gray or black).  If plans were made, they better stay the same or else I will melt down.  That was me.  And I never wanted to change that version of me, either.  But life happened.

I met a boy who lived in Lakeland, Florida.  Miracle of miracles, he convinced me to move here.  WHAT? We got married.  Stayed married a year and a half, but in the end it didn’t work out (see earlier blog post if you just cant handle your curiosity).  The decision to divorce came in July 2013.  I got fired from the job I had been in since I moved to Florida at the end of July.  And then, the DAY I got fired, I got a call and offer for a job at my current job—Pace Center for Girls.  Let me tell you, you cannot work at and survive in a place like Pace if you don’t embrace change head on.

I learned quickly to go with the flow.  Don’t expect your lesson plans to always go as planned.  Be prepared for unexpected lock downs and assemblies.  Testing will take up all of your time.  You will leave work exhausted.  And I mean exhausted.  My first year here, I remember driving to the lake I run around and falling asleep in my parked car…for an hour.  I never ran that day.  But I changed.  I adapted to my surroundings.  And I learned that change is good.  It is how we grow and become better people.

I used to be very black and white.  If you were not siding with me or making the decision I would make, then you were in the wrong.  But now, after falling so many times and wandering away from God and His will time and time again, I see that there are gray areas.  What is right for some may not be right for all.  And I believe that God would agree with me.  There are big things I think are wrong no matter what, but for the most part, there are a TON of gray areas.  I made some very, very poor decisions a couple of years ago and, rather than forgiving and loving me, seeking to get to the root of it and to show grace, I was shunned, judged, called names, and treated like a pariah.  I lost most all of my friends here.  As a result, sometimes I am hesitant to go to church.  I go, but I also prefer sometimes to have church on my own or online.  But, I started over.  I chose who I wanted to be.  I let people see the real me and they loved me in spite of who I was and the decisions I made.

I also learned the importance of standing up for yourself.  If you continually bend over backwards for others and put everyone else before yourself, you will be miserable.  In work, I have had to learn to say no.  I have had to learn to stand up for myself when I know I am being treated unfairly or when I know what I am fighting for is right.  In relationships, I have learned to end things the moment I know there is no future.  It is better to end it sooner than later, because it becomes harder for you and more hurtful to them.  With family, I have learned that it is ok to have disagreements and to tell them when they are being dumb-heads.  In the end, it is all done in love (I would hope) and family always forgives.  And I have learned to be ok being alone.  I love having time alone.  I like being able to be free to do what I want and go wherever I want.  I have learned the importance of living my life now and of being independent.  I am the only person I will always have to be around and put up with.  So, shouldn’t I make myself into someone I love and respect?  Change is good, y’all.  Embrace it.