Healing

"Time heals all wounds."  How many times have you heard that phrase?  How many times have you banked on that promise and waited…and waited…but never found relief and recovery?  So often, we sit back and wait on time to do it's thing.  We wait for our broken heart to mend after the guy we thought was "the one" broke up with us.  And again, we wait for healing when he moves on, but we haven't.  We wait for our fears to subside after going through a traumatic experience.  We wait for the resentment to go away when someone wrongs us--no matter how big or small that wrongdoing was.  But what happens when time doesn't do its thing?  What happens when we wait, and wait, and wait…but we are still stuck hurting, resentful, scared, and alone?

The dangerous thing about waiting for time to heal, is that it can quickly turn into a slippery slope of anger…and even hatred.  Time frustrates us.  It embitters us.  It makes us apathetic.  These thing all lead to anger.  Anger is one of the most poisonous, dangerous, life-ruining forces I have ever experienced.  It gets into your bones, your heart, and your soul.  It makes us say things to people we love…things we never thought we would ever say.  It makes us lash out at others in hurt, when in reality, they aren't the one you are upset with or wronged by--its the person who hurt you.  It makes us give ultimatums to people--makes them choose between us or something--or someone--else.  It makes us bitter, selfish, and even petty.  But why is this?  Why does anger turn kind, happy people into hateful, lonely people?

It is easier to be angry than it is to face the mountain head-on and begin recovery.  It is easier to blame others than it is to admit that maybe we were wrong.  Maybe that guy wasn't "the one" and you should be happy that he is happy--after all, if you really do "love" him, then your love should be selfless and include his happiness over your own.  Maybe that traumatic experience you went through has a can have a purpose.  Maybe the horrific injury you went through or the person who violated you can still serve some kind of good purpose in your life.  Becoming angry and waiting to heal isn't going to do anything.

Healing only comes in facing things and admitting we are hurting, admitting we are helpless to save ourselves, and admitting we need help.   I have been through enough trauma, enough pain, and enough hurt to know this firsthand.  When my parents went through a divorce, I could't move past it without help.  When my trust in someone I loved was horribly violated, I had to voice it…I had to talk to someone.  When I went through a period of serious depression and suicidal thoughts, I had to get help.  When a tornado destroyed my university and I saw and heard things I still can't get out of my head--I had to confront it and work through that.  When I went through an eating disorder that consumed my body, my muscles, my bones, my mind, and my emotions, I had to get help before it killed me.  When I went through a divorce and lost everything and most everyone, I had to face the realities of what happened, what I did, and what it cost me.  When I kept making countless poor choices as I spiraled out of control, I had to ultimately own up to it, admit I was in the wrong, and make a complete 180 in my life.  I don't share all of these things to "one up" anything you are going through or to show you how strong of a person I am.  I share all of these things to say, whatever you are going through, someone out there has gone through it too.  They survived.  You will too.

Don't let your anger towards that friend destroy a friendship that once meant something to you.  Don't let your bitterness towards that guy keep you from moving on and finding the guy who actually IS the one for you.  Don't let the person who violated you and your trust years ago keep you from trusting others and having healthy relationships down the road--and PLEASE don't let it become an excuse for unhealthy relationship patterns down the road.  Don't let your past actions and past history dictate a future full of shame and regret.  Let all of these things be mountains you surmounted, obstacles you overcame, and lessons you have learned.

And now…the religious part because, yes, I am a Christian.  And yes, I will openly say God is the ONLY reason I had the strength to move on from these things.  Counseling and medications helped for the traumas, the depression, and the hard times.  But God is the Master Healer.  He is the only reason I am still alive today.  When the paralyzed man at the pool was waiting to get in so he, too, could be healed, Jesus was straight forward.  There is no power in the pool.  The pool was just a bandaid, a "tool", if you will…kind of like how we use alcohol, medications, and drugs to try to self-medicate and heal ourselves.  The man thought the pool would heal him in time.  Notice:  he thought time would heal him.  But, Jesus is the only one with healing power.  The only healing power we will find is in Jesus and his compassion for us and our situations.  Want to know something though?  Jesus heals us for one of two purposes:

1.  He heals us to handle.  He heals us in such a way that we cannot walk through these hard and painful times without Him.  Through His power, He gives us resilience to handle it until it is over.  So many times, this is how I experienced healing in Jesus.  My depression didn't just disappear.  It was discovered through a fateful phone call to a friend at one in the morning.  My dad happened to wake up and had this strong feeling he needed to pick up the phone and listen.  And thus began my recovery process in Christian counseling.

He will heal us to the deepest point of need for us to survive and keep on moving.  He heals us to handle because his grace is enough for us.  He knows what we need more than we do.  It is often the things we want to wave a wand and make disappear that Jesus uses the most in our lives.

2.  He also heals us for His glory so that we may give testimony that He is the only explanation for what has happened.  Think of the friend who had cancer that one day was simply gone.  Jesus healed the man at the pool for His glory.  He told him to pick up his mat and walk.  And He trusted in Jesus to do what he said he would do.

So, how will you begin healing?  Will you keep waiting for time to take away the pain, hurt, anger, and resentment?  Will you keep blaming others for things that are not their fault and for things that no longer are in your control?  Or will you trust in Jesus to take it away all at once, or at least heal you enough to handle and learn what He is trying to reveal to you?